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More proof that the hole in the ozone
is affecting more than just the weather.

Is EPO really bad for cycling?

It was commendable for IOC to quickly and decisively endorsed the twin testing procedure for EPO during the Olympics. Now we have a lawyer-resistant test suite available to weed out the drug cheats, for EPO abuse at least. EPO has been linked to sudden mysterious death among elite racers, so EPO is bad for health, I have to agree.

But is EPO bad for the sport? Nah, cycling need EPO, cyclists don't. Cycling and Tour de France would have never generated so much press interest if not for the drug scandals. The sad truth is cycling is a bore to watch on TV and bike racing is simply too complicated for public appreciation. RACERS ARE A BUNCH OF LOSERS because they ride tactical races to win peanuts and then whined and winged seeing second-rate footballers making more money AND still have a social life. Racing is painful, training is harder still,
and cycling is not getting any easier. So this congregation of losers take EPO to help them get that little extra edge. They need EPO because they are pros and they need to win enough for that miserable contract. It's not about the bike, it's about the $$$.

Unfortunately UCI is too blind to see that money don't come from giant lungs, shaved zero-fat thighs or even awe-inspiring 3000km month-long ride into the Alps.

Proof #1: Cycling don't need month-long ride for awe-inspiring rides for TV exposure. Maurice Green needs all but 10 sec to get all the TV exposure he needs. You can bet your Litespeed that Green makes more dough than  Armstrong, even after the extra exposure from his miraculous recovery.

Proof #2: Golf is boring, used to be a game for businessmen with a pot belly. Even today, I am convinced Tiger cannot sprint faster than Mario but you can bet your Colnago AND your Litespeed that Tiger makes more dough than Cippo.

Proof #3: Nay, you get my point.

What cycling needs is public interest and the best way to feed public interest is through TV exposure, scandals, simple and easy to follow actions, not final results that comes only after 21-days of boring tactical racing with hardly any actions. That's why EPO is good for cycling, EPO is scandalous, EPO is
exciting, EPO is cheating death!

Okay, enough whining but I am a cyclist and so I am entitled to be a loser since my heroes are losers. But even losers don't deserve to die from EPO. If the UCI President get a chance to read TeamAbsolut's WSO wisdom, here's what the Old Man think UCI needs to do:

COMPLETELY REVAMP THE SPORT TO MAKE IT TV FRIENDLY. Model the sport after Formula 1 racing. Ask Bernie how he managed to generate tons of cash and TV exposure and consequently corporate sponsors for 22 men running round and round a track. And he even restrict the TV broadcast to less than 2 hours!
UCI, aren't you embarrassed! Why? Formula 1 is colorful, the players are glamorous and we can all follow the action. There's a continuity to the sport. In every race, you'll see the same 22 faces, just like soccer teams, and you can watch them race each others to the end of the season.
If you're so lucky to watch a cycling races on TV, you can hardly tell who's who because they are not even required to compete in every race! There is no story, no drama, no build-up to the season finale. Just a bunch of losers riding hundreds of kilometers along the country road in a game of chess. Now, who's
leading, who's being lapped, nobody knows! Come to think of it, maybe even Kasparov earns more money.

So there you have it, TeamAbsolut's prescription to make us all millionaires. UCI, are you listening or dozing off watching the Cycling World Cup on TV?

Comments or criticism can be sent to oldman@teamabsolut.net

This page was last updated on 05/30/02.
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