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INTRODUCING... WANKER

dcp_0171.jpg (138788 bytes) Wanker with his trustee steed... (Photo: Beef)

 

Here I am sitting at my desk at 11 o’clock on a Monday morning, and I’m racking my brain trying to come up wif an article (any damn article!) that the webmaster has been badgering me for, ever since he got that website up. Either he’s too free or this dot.com thing isn’t what it’s made out to be! On a sidenote, don’t you just love the public service? I mean, where else can you be sitting at your desk at work on a Monday morning, trying to think up crap…..err words of wisdom to put up on a website related to cycling. But I digress……

Anyway, back to the article at hand. In case you all don’t know me yet, my callsign at TeamAbsolut is wankie, lardo etc etc plus all sorts of names that are unprintable in a family oriented website, all courtesy of Old Man aka AAA WSO salesman. As a natural born dictator, despot and lime-light hogger, I credit myself as the originator of the TeamAbsolut name. It all stems from my addiction……err liking for Absolut vodka, and alcohol in general, but that’s another story. Alcohol was my excuse for lagging behind and the occasional no show on Sunday rides. I don’t exactly remember how or when the name came about, but it stuck and TeamAbsolut was born. (Applause! Applause!!)

Now for a brief history of mankind (or at least the origins of TeamAbsolut). It all started waaaaay back in 95….or 96?? Can’t remember, funny what alcohol does to your brain…..I had just started working and happen to have this balding man with a stubby excuse for a beard as my colleague, who was very much into cycling. I have loved bikes since young but just couldn’t find the motivation and time (read spare cash) to buy a mountain bike. At that time, I had a classic steel road bike that I had repainted and was still unassembled since I took it off an old hostel mate. The mountain bike craze had hit Singapore and I could see all these nice, shiny fat-tire bikes with anodized blue, ultraviolet and every-color-in-the-rainbow bits on them. The more I saw them, the more tempted I was to get one and try out this new thing called mountain biking. The only thing that was holding me back at that time was there are NO mountains in Singapore, so being my usual gullible self (hey, I was only 23 then!) I did not pursue this further.

Unfortunately, this balding bearded colleague of mine kept talking about bikes at lunch all the time, and how much fun he was having going around on his "only one in Singapore at that time, first of it’s kind oversized steel MTB Paramount bike" and beating the crap out of roadies on the graveyard road along Lim Chu Kang, or something like that. The curiosity had been aroused. The final, deciding moment came when my housemate at that time brought home a copy MountainBike magazine. I spent hours, no days going through that ONE magazine, looking at all the marvelous pictures and all this while longing for a bike of my own. That fateful day came when we decided to go bike shopping. We went around half of Singapore looking at bikes and talking to bike shop owners. I finally came home with a GT complete with red-yellow flame paintwork (I know, I’m a sucker for looks) but my housemate still could not decide on a bike. Till this day, 5 years after I got my GT, he still hasn’t bought his bike. I wonder if he was in any conspiracy with the bald, bearded man in my office (cue X-files theme music……)

After getting my bike, I hooked up with the bald, bearded man for his weekly rides around Bukit Timah and the Boys Brigade track. I got thrashed consistently for the first couple of months, and was left wondering how the (note : expletive censored by the webmaster as this is a family oriented website) could anybody ride that fast on that kind of trails? Along the way. We hooked up with Geek, Porky and another colleague of ours from Scotland whom we affectionately called Animal. The Sunday rides became regular fixtures. I got stronger on the bike and wasn’t trailing that far behind them anymore. My GT had been upgraded from it’s original form ‘til the only original bit left on it was the frame, and I had only started Mountain Biking for 6 months. Then Geek and the bald, bearded man went to Treknology Bikes (blatant & shameless advertising plug) and came back with shiny titanium Merlin frames. I too started to lust after one of those so-called magic metal frames, so out when the GT (and my hard-earned bonus money) and in came a DEAN ti frame. Over the subsequent months, the bits on my bike came and went like disposable underwear on a camping trip. I went through shiny, anodized worthless bits of American crap, replacing them every few months as they either broke (Machine "Crap" Hubs, broke 2 within 8 months) or couldn’t match Shimano’s performance ("Shitface" and "BlueBird" cranks). Mountain biking became the main reason my bank account was eternally classified as an overdraft account.

Along the way, we joined up with other people who share the same interest of biking. We came together regularly for our religious Sunday afternoon rides, which over time, stretched to include our Thursday night rides (which was a very convenient excuse for us all to go and get road bikes, but that’s yet another story) and over time, the bunch sorta stuck together ‘cos there wasn’t anyone else who would ride with us. This bunch of sad excuses for human beings are the motley crew of misfits that today, make up TeamAbsolut. As I remember Geek saying and I quote, "I’ve known you guys longer than I’ve know my wife" (my sincerest apologies to Sam, we know what you have to live with!). Please give yourselves a huge round of applause and a big pat on the back!!

This then, brings us to the new games and contest section of our site. This week’s contest is "Guess the identity of the bald, bearded man". Hurry and submit your entries today. The prize for the correct entry will be an unlimited lifetime supply of AAA WSO (note : due to budgetary constraints and limited Venture Capital funding, this prize will also be shared with the weekly COW award winner).

Cheers,

Wankie (what! It’s not even lunchtime?? damn, how am I gonna get thru’ the day!)

Comments or criticism can be sent to lardo@teamabsolut.net

 

This page was last updated on 05/30/02.
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